Embracing Shadows

I’ve been having all the feels lately. This is a big year - my daughter Skyler just graduated from college this past weekend and launches a new chapter in a new state soon; Bruce and I celebrate our 20 year anniversary in November, and I turn 50 at the end of the year!

All of these milestones have me reflecting more than usual! I’m looking back at all the times and chapters of my life as I realize how fast it’s going. What strikes me the most is how grateful I am for so, so much.

digital photo collage : Thea’s View

I’ve had more time in the past few years to spend making art than ever before- figuring out not only how to best work with my mixed media materials and compositions, but more importantly discovering more about my most authentic expression. Unveiling my own voice, peeling back the layers to find out what’s most essential for me. Finding the core, the essence, and creating from there.

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digital collage: self portrait

I’ve found the most wonderful creative community of artist friends over the past few years and feel immensely thankful for those connections. Last week, I was honored to be a guest writer for my collage bestie Duane Toops. I wrote this piece about learning to take a gentler approach to reflection:

Shadows

Lately it feels I’m like walking through a tree tunnel of memories.

Instead of quickly looking through photo albums full of still shots I’ve viewed a thousand times before, I’m taking time to gaze at each photo long enough for it to come to life as more of a short film clip. I find myself settling into the scenes, pausing to consider who was behind the lens, what else was in the room at the time, the context.

And I’m also finding the photo negatives.

Film negatives show the opposite. Lights are dark, darks are light. Exposure effects how they turn out. It’s all about the exposure.

What if certain memories and scenes I’ve traditionally attached shame to, labeled as bad, or never fully acknowledged, were exposed to the right light? A gentle, warm, light perfect for holding space and allowing development? A soft, kind light that looks only to observe, not to assign a specific meaning? What if, without harsh judgement, the things I’ve labeled as self-destructive or selfish or shameful all these years were in essence just steps along a path to self-discovery in this lifetime? What if I had (gasp!) grace for myself?

Grace

If I view my past in this light, I can begin to see each experience as just one small part of a whole. An embracing of everything; an honest look at the shadows. An unveiling of truths I thought were simply too much to give any more than a passing nod to on my way to thinking about something lighter.

As I learn to embrace the shadows, I find it’s not the time to reflect on everything I could have, should have, done differently. Instead, now is the time to forgive; to extend a huge, heaping amount of grace to the younger versions of of myself who are still very much a part of me. Now is the time to wrap my arms around myself until all of those parts fully integrate into an embodied, emboldened self. Fully feeling, allowing, and accepting.

a page from a vintage ad that I altered digitally to use in a future analog collage

window sign in Bow, Washington

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my neighbor’s tree

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Check out these digital collages made by Duane…they include my photos. What a treat it is to collaborate!

weightless and absolute; the thatness of a thing; the dark sun leaves

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And just for fun here’s are some glimpses of the celebration on Sunday. The last pic with Skyler and Bruce under a sign that says Time Warp pretty much encapsulates what I think of everything going on. So proud of this gal!!

Thanks for reading and for being along for the ride. I appreciate you!

xoxo,
Jill